Happy Thanksgiving!

Today my mom, brother, and I are going over to a friend's house to celebrate and EAT. My contribution is to provide the pies, which are currently in the oven baking themselves into yummy confectionery delights. Whenever I try out a new dessert recipe, I always remember one of the classic Friends Thanksgiving episodes...






Have a tasty, turkey-filled day!

And they're off!

My first round of graduate school applications are officially in, albeit a couple weeks after the deadline I set for myself. Just one of the many things I've been late on recently... add it to the list of utilities bills, credit card statements, papers, research deadlines... you name it.

Yeah, I'm a little stressed. But handling it.

Time to get down to business on the second round, which is due December 15. But once again, my deadline was November 15, which has already come and gone. Translation: I will be living at the library and sleeping on the couches in Rudder Auditorium until these get finished!! I can do this!

Peace out.

Music is the literature of the heart

I can't listen to him play this without getting tears in my eyes. Last year I was lucky enough to see him play it in person. It was mesmerizing, one of my best memories at A&M.

Close your eyes and enjoy!

Must Love Dostoevsky

Confession: I'm slightly tempted to try this out... Online Dating for Book Lovers

I wonder whether you can customize the person you are looking for in terms of authors and writing styles? For example, a Fitzgerald type with a generous splash of Dickens-like wit?

Or maybe by books they must have read? Like "must have read Pride and Prejudice, Gone With the Wind, Dr. Zhivago, Crime and Punishment, A Tale of Two Cities, and East of Eden?"

Just curious...

Searching for my lost shaker of salt...

Words cannot express how happy I am that it is Friday.

Thank God for tequila.

empathy.

"When a good person dies, there should be an impact on the world. Somebody should notice. Somebody should care."

This was said on an old episode of House (wow, look at my scholarly references) by the ever-compassionate Dr. Cameron. The first time I saw this episode, that line made me stop breathing. The context was that Cameron had befriended a terminally ill patient, who was essentially alone in the world, and after Cameron painfully and reluctantly informed her of the diagnosis, Wilson basically asked Cameron why she had even bothered making friends with her. The scene etched itself into my mind and Cameron's fervent sentiment resonated in my ears for days. Such poignant words have a tendency to do that.

I suppose the reason I was so moved by such a line is that I feel like it's something I would say. It's something I have always felt. I remember being frustrated in history classes when I read about tragedies, persecutions, wars. I could read the words, but I couldn't feel the grief. No matter how hard I tried, I would never really understand what the Holocaust was like from a textbook. I could never mourn with the family members of victims; I could never honor their loss with my tears. I found this infuriating.

If I had one wish, I would like to go back in time to all of those history making tragedies and experience the horror for myself, so that I could look people in the eye and tell them I know how they feel. And that it would be okay. On a smaller scale, and one that doesn't require time-traveling, I would like to have perfect empathy. I would like the ability to feel the sorrow of someone else, friend or stranger, completely and purely. I think it's something everyone deserves.

Two summers ago I went to New York City and during my stay I visited Ground Zero. Incidentally, we stumbled upon a small 9/11 memorial museum that was practically hidden, and decided to go in and check it out. It turned out to be one of my favorite parts of the entire trip. Quite suddenly, the awe and horror of that day flooded into my veins, and I started weeping as I saw the debris on display--airplane windows, firefighter jackets, elevator signs. I stared, incredulous, at all of the faces of the missing, my raw throat burning. Far from being a tourist attraction, this was an intense, gripping experience. One that I needed. One that reminded me how similar I am to everyone else. One that, while draining, provided comfort in knowing that I was not alone.

And thus we return to the House episode. Which is more sad, a dying person that everybody loves or a dying person that nobody loves? I won't trivialize such a situation by suggesting an answer, but I will suggest that there is no greater feeling than companionship and the knowledge that you are not alone. Thus, Cameron's role in the aforementioned episode seems particularly heroic to me, and I hope I would do the same if I were in her position.

That's my momma

Here's a quick shout out to my mom, who conducted another Asthma Blow-Out (ha, get it? I didn't...) last night. The Blow-Out is an event for kids with asthma that allows them to talk to and interact with doctors from around the area and other kids who are in similar shoes. Parents come too and learn about the different kinds of medications and treatments; basically, it's a one-stop shop for asthmatics. My mom initiated this event a couple years ago in order to educate all the asthma sufferers in my school district about how they should be controlling their disease. And look where she is, now! Making the prime time news in San Antonio AND Austin. You go girl!!

The videos: (check 'em out!)

http://www.ksat.com/video/21444026/index.html

http://www.kens5.com/video/health-index.html?nvid=409786


And, because of the success of the Asthma Blow-Out, they've also started a Mental Health Blow-Out. Awesome!

Austen, Bronte, Dickens... Philip K. Dick?

We read to know we are not alone. -C.S. Lewis

I saw this article in the NY Times a few weeks ago about a woman who read a different book every day for a year, 365 total, and I must say I think that is a fantastic idea. I might add that to my list of things to do before I die. Of course, this would probably only be feasible once I retire or something, because who has a few extra hours of leisure every day? And I think I'd have to spice it up a bit, like... read a book in a different location every day for a year. Or something. Hmmm.

Speaking of reading, I read a book yesterday that was about, well, reading (I guess you would call that metareading?). The Jane Austen Book Club. I usually frown upon seeing a movie before reading the book, but in this case I unwittingly broke my own rule. I had already seen the movie a while back (not knowing it was based on a book), mainly because I adore Emily Blunt and she was part of the cast. Anyway, the book was much much better, and it actually inspired me to pick up some sci-fi. So now I'm going to check out some Philip K. Dick and Ursula LeGuin. I've actually never read anything in science fiction before, but it's never too late to try, right? You may be asking how a science fiction book could possibly be the next logical choice after something called The Jane Austen Book Club. But you'll just have to read the book to find out!

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Not really. It's actually bright, balmy, and beautiful.

But November is creeping up which means that autumn is well under way which means that my favorite season (hint: winter) is just around the corner! Actually, because this is Texas, it's more like way down the hall and around three corners, but you get the idea.

Winter for me means... a month of nonstop Christmas carols via my holiday Pandora stations; my birthday; an increase in visits to Starbucks (and a corresponding decrease in available funds in my bank account); red noses and cheeks; and scarves! I can't wait!

On an entirely unrelated note, I saw Capitalism: A Love Story this weekend, which is the new Michael Moore documentary. Now before you start throwing tomatoes, let me just say it was actually pretty interesting. Pushing the excessive liberal undertones aside, he actually made some valid points (let's face it, capitalism runs on greed, which goes against the tenets of Christianity). Nevertheless, I think it would behoove him to make his films a little more balanced... to make his work more credible, if nothing else.

Happy Autumn!

what is the lifespan of a moth?

For days now there has been a moth living in my apartment.

I have decided to make friends with it.

I will not get rid of him because:
a) he is hard to catch and I don't want to touch him,
b) he doesn't deserve a death by Windex,
c) a cute little moth fluttering about never hurt anyone,
and d) I can use the company.

So yes, we're friends now. He prefers to hang out on the living room wall, which is a good location because when I look up from my computer I can spot him immediately and give him a nod of hello.

I'm thinking about giving him a name, but I feel like it might be too soon for that. I'll probably wait and see if he is still alive in a week, and then evaluate possible names.

Some haters out there may be thinking, "Wow, making friends with a moth. That's so sad." But they don't bother me. I mean, it's nice to have someone to greet you when you get home, right?

Film Review: Annie Hall

The other day I watched a classic Woody Allen film, Annie Hall. It was, in a word, brilliant.

It reminds me a lot of a film that debuted this past summer, (500) Days of Summer, except Annie Hall was executed much better and mercifully lacked the cheesy ending.

What I love about both of these films is the way they portray relationships. Both of the movies are about love, yes, but they approach it from a much different perspective than the dreaded chick flick. Case in point: the relationship you spend two hours watching fails in the end. Is the ending unhappy? No. Is it happy? Depends.

In Annie Hall, Annie and Alvy go their separate ways, and in one of the last scenes they meet up for lunch to catch up and reminisce. Provocative last line of the movie:

"It was great seeing Annie again and I realized what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her and I thought of that old joke, you know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken,' and uh, the doctor says, 'well why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and, but uh, I guess we keep going through it...because...most of us need the eggs."

Maybe this is a cynical take on relationships; I guess it depends on what the eggs are. But I think Woody is implying that sometimes people maintain relationships for the external benefits, instead of for the relationship itself. External benefits could range from trivial to heavy, e.g. from a feeling of pride to monetary security.
However, this line is not just a criticism -- I think it is also a testament to those who are able to form lasting and loving relationships.

Besides daring to convey a truth that may hit uncomfortably close to home, the film is also decorated with sincere, witty dialogue and imaginative cinematic techniques. I usually don't recommend movies to people, but in this case I will make an exception. Please. Do yourself a favor and see this movie.

Better get new running shoes

I've always said I want to run a marathon. The reasons are plentiful: get in ridiculous shape, improve my overall health, look better naked, brag and say I've done it, etc.

Well today I add another reason: to meet Edward Norton.

That's right, evidently Edward Norton is training to run in the New York City marathon. Let's hope he continues this new habit so that I can join him someday!

5 in 5

My turn!

5 Things I Can Do
5. play the flute
4. throw clay and make pretty pottery
3. crossword puzzles
2. sing along to any Bryan Adams song (not exactly a good thing)
1. wiggle my nostrils, both voluntarily and involuntarily

5 Favorite Place I have been
5. dresden
4. rome
3. nyc
2. paris
1. prague

5 Things to look forward to
5. winter
4. leaving Texas
3. graduating
2. my next nap
1. tomorrow

5 things I am NOT looking forward to:
5. applying to graduate schools
4. coming up with a backup plan if all my apps get rejected
3. see above
2. see above
1. see above

5 Things I get joy from
5. singing and making embarrassing dance moves in my car
4. running
3. art
2. margs with Nicole
1. trying new things

5 Random Things about me:
5. imperfect as it is, I love my life.
4. I have an alarmingly high level of caffeine tolerance.
3. I drive barefoot.
2. I am deathly afraid of cockroaches.
1. I like big butts (and I cannot lie)?

Ordinary moments are not just ordinary

Saw this video a while back on Jonah Lehrer's blog and I've watched it numerous times since then. "The things we see everyday, when carefully framed, can ache with ignored beauty."

I heartily agree.



Have you ever tried to look around you with eyes that are not your own? Have you ever dissociated yourself from reality and tried to observe things just the way they are? If so, have you realized how beautiful life is?

Submission

It's no secret that the vast lands of Texas have suffered from undernourishment this summer. Day after day I have walked atop the parched earth, surrounded by tawny, brittle grass that has lost all traces of its verdant health, silently praying for its relief. Each morning I awoke with the hope that a merciful rain would quench the anemic land and restore it to its former vitality. In vain.

Today I was casually walking on campus to make a quick stop at the university library. At one point I looked up at the expansive sky to see shadows forming from promising clouds; it was surely going to rain today. I cursed softly because, well, as usual, I was lacking the proper accoutrements for rainy weather. "Maybe it won't start raining until I reach my car...", I thought.

Not the case.

I was presented with two options: wait it out or make a run for it. I chose neither.

Why is it that we are afraid to get wet? Why do we always wish to remain dry, clean, sheltered? Rain is often unexpected. Many times it is inconvenient. But it should be experienced with gratitude, not disdain; it is a gift, even if you are caught in the middle of it, completely unprepared.

Today I stepped leisurely through the pounding water, relishing the quick impact of the cold droplets on my skin. I took off my shoes. I didn't hasten my step, even when the rain picked up momentum. My clothes got utterly soaked, my hair became a wet and sticky mess.

It felt great. Healing.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is submit yourself to the events happening around you. It may be tempting to resist them, but you may find the freedom in letting go intoxicating. To shed your concerns and hesitations and make the moment yours... it is an experience we should seek often. Complete submission to the will of something bigger than you -- try it next time you get the chance. Walk, don't run, through the rain.

We are a family! I got all my sisters with me!

This week I have retreated to Abilene, Texas. Never heard of it? Justifiable. It's even more uneventful than Bryan-College Station. But I don't go there for cultural attractions and crazy nightlife, I go there to get back in touch with who I am and where I came from.

My grandma lives in Abilene, next door to one of my uncles and his family. My other uncle and his corresponding fam live in Lubbock, which isn't too far from Abilene. So, for the past 21 years of my life, a couple times a year my family (used to be mom, dad, and bro, but now my mom is left out of it) makes the trek (approx. 4.5 hours from SAtown) to Abilene to see everyone.

So many memories have been made here. And almost all of them involve my grandpa. It's hard to believe the impact he's had on this town. We can't walk into many stores or restaurants without someone saying how much they loved and miss my Grandpa. He was a silly and gregarious person, as well as a kind soul with infectious blue, smiling eyes. Five months after his early death, I still have trouble thinking about him without wanting to sob.

My grandma has handled it well, but it's clear how much pain she is in. She talks about him all the time, mostly telling funny stories but occasionally remembering a touching memory that causes her to break down. Yesterday was her birthday, and she was greeted by a surprise visit from my brother and my Lubbock uncle. I thought she was going to have a heart attack. Last night, eight of us were gathered in the living room after she had opened presents and we passed around newly discovered pictures of my grandpa when he was in high school and when he was entering the service. Grandma told the story of how they met. I LOVE that story. It was such a comforting time, to be around people you have known your entire life and share both joyful and tearful memories. Crazy as they are, I love my family.

The purpose of this post is to encourage you to sit down today and look at what you have and the people who love you. Cherish the moment. My life philosophy for the past year or so has been to just live in the moment, and truly experience every moment as sincerely as you can. Being in the house of a lost loved one reminds me why.

So, in the words of Jason Mraz: Live high. Live mighty. Live righteously.

Two plus two is what, again?

Note to self: if/when you become a professor, don't make ridiculous tests.

Well folks, today we got back our second Diff EQ test. Many things to talk about here. The talk of the pre-class (that is, the murmurs that take place during the 10 minutes before class) for the past few days has been all about the test. Here's some of the words I have heard exchanged:

Wtf.

I'm reaalllyyy worried about that test.

That was insane.

When are we getting them back? Wait...I actually don't want mine back.

And so forth. So yes, the consensus was that the test was difficult. What I love (hint: sarcasm) about my prof is that he seems to enjoy watching his students suffer. It would have been quite obvious to any third-party observer that this test was giving us problems. Frantic erasures, bullets of sweat, clenched fists, clawing of skin (and eyes), and let's not forget the ubiquitous blank stare -- all of these would indicate that, um, this was not going well for most.

If it were me, and I noticed this turmoil going on inside my student's naive minds, I would've addressed it the next day. I would have said, "Hey, I saw that most of you seemed pretty tense about the test...let's talk about some of the problems you had trouble with."

But no. My prof bravely shows his face the next day and jumps right on into the next chapter, without a single word pertaining to the hell we went through the day before. Not a word for the rest of the week, in fact (note: test was on Monday). Not even a mention of when he'll be done grading them.

Ugh.

Anyway, today turned out to be the promised day. Oh dear, where to begin. First of all, he hands out tests at the end of class (which I hate...why not just hand it out at the beginning since you know that's what everyone is thinking about anyway?). So after our fast and furious lecture, he finally starts to talk about the test. Only from a grades standpoint, though. Apparently he was feeling generous so he threw out one of the questions that he thought was awful to attempt. So everybody got 10 points on that one. Umm...we don't care, dude. Just tell us the curve.

"Now, the curve is.......(holding breath)......20 points." Holy crap. So 20 plus the freebie 10 is a whopping 30 point curve. And then he says there were 8 A's. Seriously???? After a 30 point curve there's only 8 A's? Shouldn't everybody have an A now?

Good grief.

So, let's review. First test = 15 point curve. Second test = 30 point curve. Pick-a-prof reviews indicate that this guy is an awful teacher and you will never do well on his tests, so just wait for the curve. My question is: why do we need to make these tests impossible to begin with? If this guy consistently has to give out 15+ point curves, shouldn't that indicate that the tests are a tad much? I get the let's-challenge-the-students mentality, and I'm all for it, but let me tell you something. Being dumbfounded by 70% of the test and making me question whether I can even add 2 + 2 does not help me learn. If anything, it hinders it and makes me feel completely incompetent. Is that the goal? It is if you're a jerk.

This is my first class that's ever used curves so I guess I'm still getting used to it. I'm very glad I'm not an engineer; I've heard most engineering classes are exactly like this. All that being said, I actually did quite well on the test. I'm not necessarily pleased, though, because it's (somewhat) hard to be pleased with a 98 when you see twenty points worth of X's on your test. Relieved is more like it. And sympathetic to those who didn't fare so well. I just don't understand why some professors get their joys out of raping students with their predatory tests.

Ranting over.

Man Writes Poem

I posted this a couple years ago on my Facebook page, but I like it so much that I think I will re-post it. I originally heard this on NPR. It's meant to be read aloud, but I'll let you get away with just reading it to yourself.

Man Writes Poem

This just in a man has begun writing a poem
in a small room in Brooklyn. His curtains
are apparently blowing in the breeze. We go now
to our man Harry on the scene, what's

the story down there Harry? "Well Chuck
he has begun the second stanza and seems
to be doing fine, he's using a blue pen, most
poets these days use blue or black ink so blue

is a fine choice. His curtains are indeed blowing
in a breeze of some kind and what's more his radiator
is 'whistling' somewhat. No metaphors have been written yet,
but I'm sure he's rummaging around down there

in the tin cans of his soul and will turn up something
for us soon. Hang on—just breaking news here Chuck,
there are 'birds singing' outside his window, and a car
with a bad muffler has just gone by. Yes ... definitely

a confirmation on the singing birds." Excuse me Harry
but the poem seems to be taking on a very auditory quality
at this point wouldn't you say? "Yes Chuck, you're right,
but after years of experience I would hesitate to predict

exactly where this poem is going to go. Why I remember
being on the scene with Frost in '47, and with Stevens in '53,
and if there's one thing about poems these days it's that
hang on, something's happening here, he's just compared the curtains

to his mother, and he's described the radiator as 'Roaring deep
with the red walrus of History.' Now that's a key line,
especially appearing here, somewhat late in the poem,
when all of the similes are about to go home. In fact he seems

a bit knocked out with the effort of writing that line,
and who wouldn't be? Looks like ... yes, he's put down his pen
and has gone to brush his teeth. Back to you Chuck." Well
thanks Harry. Wow, the life of the artist. That's it for now,

but we'll keep you informed of more details as they arise.



Bahahaha I love it.

That is all.

It's okay Reid! You'll be over this in a week!

Ummmm terrible choice Jillian.

If you don't know what I'm alluding to, tonight was the season finale of The Bachelorette. Ed was the last man standing, the gold medal winner, numero uno, the victorious vanquisher...and I have to say I think that was the wrong move. You might remember several weeks ago that I was actually an Ed supporter. That was when he left the show to focus on his career. A smart move all around, in my book. Not because he was a bad person and I was glad to see him go...I just thought it showed a level of responsibility that we, as loyal ABC fans, are unaccustomed to seeing.

Well, two weeks later he decides to come back, and for me that's when things rapidly went downhill for Ed. He got more and more annoying every week and somehow he just gives off an insincere, I'm-just-caught-up-in-the hype-kind of vibe. I mean, he only knew her for what...4 or 5 weeks (since he was gone for a few) and spent what couldn't have been more than maybe a day's time total together with Jillian, and he was telling her he loves her?? While the other guys who spent way more time with her openly admitted that they just didn't move that fast, but they could see themselves falling in love with her SOMEday soon? And she prefers the fake out rather than the honesty? Oh dear. Jillian, the goal of this show is not to get a proposal at the end, it's to try to find love. There's a difference.

And then we have Reid (aka Chandler Bing). Dear, sweet Reid. Reid got the boot last rose ceremony because, while he and Jill had a connection obvious to all, and Jillian admitted that she was possibly falling for him, Reid couldn't mutter the three words Jillian (unfairly) demanded of him. So she sent him packing and evidently cried the entire night afterward. Then, as a shocker to Bachelorette watchers everywhere, Reid struts back in tonight (loved that confidence!) and tells Jillian that he was being a complete idiot and leaving has caused him to see everything clearly. He tells her boldly that he loves her, and then he drops onto his knee and proposes. A very gallant move for Reid, and Jillian is completely thrown. This is what she was waiting for. She had let him go because she never thought he would be able to say that.

The problem is, Jillian had already made up her mind. Reid was about a week too late. I totally get the whole let's-not-get-caught-up-in-the-moment thing and I understand why, although she seemed tempted, Jillian ultimately refused this spontaneous proposal and stuck by her earlier decision. What I don't get is how that decision could possibly be Ed. If it were between Ed and Reid, Reid would win hands down! Heck, I would've taken Kiptyn over Ed too. I'm at a loss.

Tomorrow is the After the Final Rose show, so this means we will get to see what Jillian has been up to for the past 3 months and whether Ed and Jillian are still together. If they are still together, I will be very surprised. I just really don't see them lasting. Ed's a creeper.

Because I like Reid so much, here's a fitting tribute (not mine):




Looks like I have to move to Philadelphia now to find him. Poor Reid.

Wild parsnips scald my lungs

Hello stranger.

Tonight I thought I would keep it simple.

I'm addicted to YouTube and what I find myself browsing A LOT is live music performances. So, I thought I would share a few of my favorites. You know how you can save a video to "Favorites" section of your account? Well, that's where these are from. Enjoy! (Sorry if you don't like my musical taste...feel free to not listen.)

So back in the beginning of June I had the pleasure of seeing this man in an intimate acoustic concert in Austin. I got some pretty good video at the end when he let us crowd the front of the stage for his encores, but unfortunately it would be illegal to post. So I have this instead. This is from a Peace benefit this year in London. He opened our concert with this song (one of my favorites!). By the way, I don't care how old he is -- the man is a sexy beast.



Okay, next. Here is a performance I just love by Jason Mraz. Jason is way more talented than I realized and this rendition really shows off his his ability to feeeeeel his music. A true artist! Listen to the entire thing...I promise you will be impressed.



I am so happy I found this next video...this brings back so many memories from my childhood! This is a duet between LeAnn Rimes and Bryan White back in1997, when TNN was still a TV station and LeAnn was like today's Taylor Swift. Even if you don't like country, you have to admit, this girl has some major pipes! This is also fun to watch because everyone knew back then that LeAnn had a little crush on Bryan. (And oh, fun fact: as a little girl I had Bryan White's poster on my wall. Right next to Leonardo DiCaprio.)



This last video I'm really excited about. I just discovered this guy a few weeks ago, and now I am a DIE HARD fan. I bought his most recent album and now I'm working on getting the rest. Evidently he is a classically trained violinist turned pop singer-songwriter, but all I can say is that he has jaw-dropping talent!! There really are no words. Just watch:

No Full House for me!

For almost a month now I've been living alone. All by myself. Allll alone. Completely alone.

But really, it's not so bad. It's a little bit of an adjustment. I think one of the key ingredients to living alone successfully is to keep yourself busy. As long as your mind is occupied enough to stay out of the silence of the abyss, you shouldn't have to worry about going crazy, and your living situation will start to feel less and less like solitary confinement. My schedule has been pretty relaxed this month, and one day, as a result, I found myself actually willing to watch daytime TV (Full House reruns, anyone?). That was the last straw. That's when I knew: I needed to get out of the apartment.

But besides the occasional numbing silence, there are some benefits to living alone. You can eat whatever you want, you can watch whatever you want, you can make as much or as little noise as you want, etc. Basically the sky is the limit. Yesterday I read an article in Marie Claire about this very topic, narrated by the wonderful Mindy Kaling, who you may know as Kelly from The Office (the water bottle incident had me laughing for a good 10 minutes).

Interesting side note about my family of 4: every single one of us is living alone (although my situation is just temporary). And now my Grandma lives alone, too. We're just that cool. I think everyone should live alone at some point. It's a good experience and a great time to get to know your favorite person of all--yourself!

So, to sum up: living alone is both fun and not fun. But so is any other living arrangement. You should try it!

All that aside, I miss you Nicole! :)

Why do I insist on watching trashy reality TV?

It's true. I have a problem.

The Bachelor/Bachelorette is easily the worst show on television. Sappy and salacious. Entirely unrealistic. Be that as it may, I find myself inexplicably sucked in whenever I watch it. Why must this be? What powers does this show hold over me? Why do I really care to watch these poor people make fools of themselves?

I have no clue. Oh well. This week's episode was particularly eventful...and tearful. Last week, someone let it slip to Jillian that there were some guys who are there for the "wrong reasons." He even mentioned that some people have girlfriends back home. Although he couldn't produce any names. So, Jillian addressed the men before the rose ceremony and asked that if anyone had a girlfriend or was here for the "wrong reasons" (I cannot emphasize enough how annoying that phrase has now become...) then they should speak up. In front of 10 other guys. Who would all kick their ass. On national television. What a shocker, then, that nobody spoke up.

This week, Jillian decided to take a more individual approach, and ask the boys about their "reasons" while on the one-on-one/group dates. Well, what a surprise, everyone insisted that they were there for the "right reasons." Can't say Jillian's method of interrogation was all that effective. The real letdown of the episode was when big-bulky-hunky-Ed decided that he had to leave the show. He got a call from his boss who gave him an ultimatum, and Ed decided his career couldn't be jeopardized. Jillian was upset. More upset than she thought she would be. More tears. More second-guessing herself.

I have to say, Ed made the right choice. His decision was mature and responsible, truly characteristic of an adult...which is something you don't expect to see on this show. His leaving only bumps him up higher on my bachelor-ranking.

This season so far we've had a possible gay guy, a scary rageaholic, a kid with a slightly alarming foot fetish, and a musician with a CD coming out that, allegedly, is NOT on the show for publicity...

If that's not drama, I don't know what is.

Maybe the thing that draws me into this awful excuse for a television show is the hope that one of these pathetic couples will actually make it. You know, like Trista and Ryan--pioneers of the idea of a lasting relationship engendered from this franchise. I watched Trista and Ryan from the beginning: I saw them fall in love, I watched their wedding mini-series...and now they are the parents of two children, 6 years later! I feel proud of them. And now I hope someone else will be so lucky...although now that Ed is gone, the prognosis for this season does not look good. The remaining group of guys is rife with weirdos. I hope Jillian pulls a Jen Schefft and rejects both of the final two men.


P.S. Did I really just blog about The Bachelorette? So sad...

I'd like to thank the Academy...

A week ago today I got something in the mail that really made my day. More than my day, actually. It made my month, or maybe even my year.

I'm probably placing too much importance on it because I know it means less than I think it does, but nevertheless, however insignificant it may be, I'm really touched by it.

What am I talking about? Okay, here it is. I received a letter from the honors office here at Texas A&M saying that I was awarded a scholarship for the 09-10 school year. While that was certainly good news, I honestly didn't really care. I called my mom anyway just to let her know (she cares about that stuff way more than I do), and started reading the letter to her. Blah, blah. Then I screamed.

I hadn't read the entire letter, silly me. I only read the first paragraph where it said what I'd been awarded and why. Then, later on in the letter, they went on to say that "given your achievements thus far, we believe that you have the potential to become a candidate for prestigious national scholarships such as the British-Marshall, Gates-Cambridge, Truman, Churchill, and Rhodes Scholarships." They told me to visit the honors office early in the fall semester to talk about being selected as an institutional nominee. Okay, now I was pretty excited. I knew that was a very high compliment they just paid me--much higher than I deserved.

Let me just say right now, for the record, I have no desire of winning any of those scholarships. I don't even care if I never make it past the first round. Really. Just knowing that they see me as a potential candidate is plenty. I respect the honors office and I know they are not the type to waste time and falsely inflate hopes, so I am honored by their opinion. (As a matter of reference, I'm pretty sure 75% of the recipients of the Rhodes scholarship in the past year were from either Yale, Harvard, or Stanford).

So, I can now honestly say I know what actors/actresses mean when they say on the red carpet of the Oscars, "It's an honor just to be nominated!" Although, technically, I'm not even nominated for any of these scholarships yet. I probably won't even get that far. It's more like I'm nominated to be nominated which, again, is an honor in itself.

I don't know how many other people at A&M received letters like mine. Probably a lot. But that doesn't matter to me. It's not about winning or beating other people. To me it's just about somebody out there recognizing my hard work and tipping their hat.

Of course, I will go and talk to them and, depending on how lengthy the application process is, I may decide to go ahead and give it a shot (even though it seems like a waste of time). But regardless of what happens, I'm keeping that letter. Right now it is sitting on my dresser right next to my program from my grandpa's funeral, which lies face down so that the obituary and his picture can be seen. Now, whenever I pass by my dresser on my the way out, I see my grandpa's face and that letter. Two small tokens that, while trivial to others, remind me of who I am every day. Behind my grandpa's eyes and beneath the honors office's praise lie the support and encouragement I need for the day. The 08-09 school year challenged me in many ways, mentally and emotionally, and I feel like this letter somehow helped to make it all worth it. Cliche and shallow, I know, but hey, you have to make the little things in life count!

P.S. Now I no longer harbor ill-feelings toward my postwoman.

Scarlett and Iris

Hello there! I've been wanting to post something lately but I've refrained, simply because I've been in a horrible mood for the past few weeks and I wanted to avoid a post full of whining. So, instead, tonight I will take a friend's advice and comment on a felicitous film that happened to be on television tonight: The Holiday. It's one of my favorite movies, and tonight I discovered yet another reason to love it. In the film, the sage of the story tries to transform a young woman from a lost soul pining for her ex-boyfriend into a woman of courage and "gumption." She embarks on a journey of classic films and self-discovery, searching for her inner Irene Dunne. I never realized it before, but Iris, the heroine of this film, reminds me a bit of Scarlett O'Hara. In Gone With the Wind, Scarlett begins as a silly, selfish girl who expects everything in her life to go just the way she wants it to. While she never outgrows her selfishness, she does transform from an inane and ignorant girl into a powerful and brazen woman, completely immune to what the rest of the world thinks. She saves the house at Tara, she shoots a Union soldier, she attempts to prostitute herself (unsuccessfully, thanks to Rhett) to save her family from destitution, she takes over a business by herself, etc. Basically, she's a feminist in the time of the Civil War. I have to admit, while Scarlett drives me absolutely mad for most of the book, I really love and admire how strong she becomes. She certainly summons up some gumption and completely takes control of her life. Now whenever I feel like I'm about to be swallowed up by all of my tests, commitments, and personal issues, I think of Scarlett at deserted Tara, unwilling to let her land go to ruin. Okay, I know that's a little corny but, as Iris so sweetly says in The Holiday, "I'm looking for corny in my life!"

Bagels and More

Today I made bagels for the first time. Cinnamon bagels, to be exact. Was it fun? Yes. Was I successful? Well, let's just say I could barely taste the cinnamon in the finished product and I also managed to burn myself somewhere along the way (on the inside of my wrist, a very sensitive spot!). The texture of the bagels wasn't bad though, so it was not a complete failure. With a bit more practice and tweaking, I think I'll be turning out bagels better than Sara Lee!

Speaking of baking, I'm inclined to mention that over the past few months I've had an unprecedented interest in all things food-and-kitchen-related. If you had told me...oh say, 2 years ago...that someday I would be making bagels from scratch for fun, I would have laughed out loud. Two years ago I was afraid to boil water. Okay, well maybe I wasn't that bad, but I was definitely wary of my ability to cook anything--probably because I'd never really tried before. I was raised in a household that ate microwaved dinners night after night, and when we ran out of those it was time to go out to a restaurant. Making something "from scratch" was considered punishment; my family just wasn't into cooking. I've felt the absence of this beautiful passion, and recently it has led me to seek a solution for all those missed years of cooking. What's more beautiful than making something entirely from nothing? And then getting to eat it! I'm saddened that my family never understood the joy of cooking.

I don't wish to be misinterpreted, however; though I do greatly enjoy cooking/baking, I don't pretend to be great at it. In fact, I know very little about it. As you can probably guess, no one ever taught me how, so I basically get by on what I've seen on the Food Network. Oh and if I want to know how to do something...like boil water (ha, just kidding)..then I Google it and voila! But the most important thing is that, while my cooking skills may not be anything exceptional, they are certainly good enough for me. And there's definitely something to be said for the sense of pride I get after concocting something all by myself--and I think that makes my food taste even better :).

One show I ABSOLUTELY adore now is Top Chef. It is so fantastic, I just can't even explain. It comes on Bravo on Wednesday nights at 9, and you should definitely check it out! Although Season 5 just ended last week, so you'll have to wait until the new season starts. The people on that show are just insanely good cooks and it's a lot of fun to watch them use their creativity and talent to create amazing dishes (I'm assuming their amazing. They certainly look and sound amazing!).

Well, that's it for tonight. By the way, this is my very first blog so Yay Me! Was it too long? Did I talk about myself too much? Oh wait... :)