Uno.
A few days ago I was shopping in the Galleria in Houston at my favorite store (name withheld, so as to keep an element of mystery). I'm sifting through some dresses when a man grabs my arm and says "Miss? Excuse me, I was wondering if you'd be able to help me shop for my girlfriend." (Uh, what??) He proceeds to tell me that he and his beloved have been together for 2 years, are very much in love, and well, he wants to buy her some nice clothes. But he has no idea what size she is. "You look exactly the same size as her. What size are you?". I reluctantly respond and give him a quizzical look, like, what the f*ck are you playing at? Then he says the people that work here have terrible style but that I obviously have great style so he wants my opinion. I hate to report this, but this incident continued for about 10 more minutes, mostly because I had no clue how to shake this guy off without being impertinent. I learned a little bit too much personal information about him, and I hope I didn't reveal too much about myself. Honestly, I'm not sure if he was sincerely needing my help or if he had ulterior motives.... but I can say there was a definite creepy vibe. I made sure to mention that I am from out of town and was just visiting my boyfriend that weekend (which was true). As soon as I left the store I made a beeline for the parking garage, surreptitiously checking behind my shoulder the whole way there. You can just never be too sure, these days!
Dos.
This one is slightly less dramatic. Today I was at Target picking up a few necessities. I wait in line at the checkout counter as the lady in front of me finishes her transaction. She's on the phone. Midway through her sentence, she turns to me as I'm checking out the gum selection and says, "Hey, are these granny panties? They're not, right? Are they granny panties? What do you think?" I smile and say...no of course not (although they actually kind of were)...and then she loudly reiterates to the man (I assume) on the other end that the lady behind her doesn't think they are granny panties either. Then she walks away. Slightly bemused, I looked to the cashier for validation of this social episode. He showed no response. Hmm. With no one to share the awkwardness/amusement with, I did what came natural then--I avoided all eye contact until my transaction was complete. Then out of nowhere my cashier asks, in broken English, "What did that lady ask? I couldn't understand. I didn't know what she was asking. Was it about the color?" Considering the awkwardness I would have to endure to actually explain what "granny panties" are to an Asian man who is clearly a little lost about this whole thing, I just smiled and nodded.
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